Well, can you believe we are on the 3rd day of February already?! I know, I can’t either. How are those goals going for you? You know, the big ones you created on January 1st? The ones you brought forward from 2019 because you didn’t manage to tick them off your list then? And that is cool, there is nothing wrong with striving to achieve goals and ideas if you at first did not succeed. But maybe you should take a look at these goals and ask yourself these 3 questions. It is important to be intentional when creating these aspirations so that you can be true to your goals. In my experience, if you are just setting goals and inspirations for the sake of it, you are less likely to follow through. Especially when you feel that you won’t actually achieve them OR you aren’t that bothered in the first place.
Here’s a breakdown of how I use these questions and journal it out-
- How do I WANT to feel? This one is courtesy of Danielle LaPorte. It makes more sense to me if I am using a FEELING to anchor into a goal or inspiration. Behind every goal is an intention to feel a certain way, am I right? How will you feel when you stop drinking? How will you feel when you have more energy every day? And start looking at your life TODAY and see how you can embody that feeling. Don’t wait until you’ve accomplished something to find that feeling in your daily life.
- Know yourself. This one is pretty self-explanatory-the more you understand YOU and how you think and what you need in order to live your life to the fullest. There is no race in these goals, but you will never hit them if you don’t have a clue what it is you want. Don’t be afraid to dream here, ya? If you struggle with this, seek out a coach to help you tap into your truest desires or have a conversation with a good friend. There is no shame in doing that as we are sometimes too wrapped up in sabotaging beliefs to realise what we can accomplish. Some questions I ask clients when we start digging into these true desires are:
- What challenges you to grow?
- What is actually FUN for you?
- What sabotaging thoughts do you typically find yourself repeating?
- How do you hold yourself back in areas of your life?
- What kinds of goals have you failed to realise? (TIP! Stop setting these kinds of goals. Hate running? Don’t sign up for a race!)
- What motivates and inspires you? (TIP! Do more of THIS! And what a great question, right?)
3) Let’s talk about the difference between action and outcome-based goals. Our society emphasizes achievements and success, getting things done, and practically killing yourself to be as productive as possible. Self-care? Nah, that can wait until you are dead. How do you think this leads us to feel? I know that I used to feel annoyed that I never seemed to get it right, I felt dissatisfied and that led to a disconnection from what I truly desire and my intuition. I was finding that, in my journey to accomplish MORE, I forgot to stop and smell the roses, so to speak. I forgot to ENJOY what I had. Burnout and feeling stressed and overwhelmed seemed to be the only feelings I could muster up. This manifests in our relationships with others and ourselves, it leads to mental health challenges and a myriad of other things. And who likes that?!
But let’s take a closer look, shall we?
How can we recognise this kind of disconnect? (Can you tell I am SUPER passionate about this?!) It can look like a lack of self-love, self-trust, boundaries. It can lead to us chronically feeling that we are worthless and never good enough. It can lead to physical health challenges.
When you recognise this and reclaim your connection to yourself, you reclaim your power.
Sounds awesome, right? But HOW do we reclaim our connection? We need to stop listening to all of the noise around us. We need to stop playing the comparison game. We need to start TUNING IN. We need to TRUST that we deserve better, that we are good enough. That we can take a weekend off social media and just slow down. Practising self-care, in whatever way that looks like for you. It is hard at first, I won’t lie. Stopping the noise? The non-comparison game? Don’t worry if you stumble/fumble in the first tries. You’ll get there.
Say what? I know, your head might be spinning but let’s talk about what that ACTUALLY looks like:
This is where outcome versus action goals come in. A great way to overcome our obsession with achieving more and to start to feel more in tune with yourself is to start to understand how they are different and how we can use them to our advantage.
Let’s use weight loss as an example:
OUTCOME GOAL: lose 1 stone
ACTION GOAL: move body daily for 30 mins in a way that feels uber good and fun
It is easy to feel as if we are failing as we have less control over outcomes. Actions, however, we do have control over. We can say if they have been done or not. By starting to bring more awareness to what we have control over we start to bring more awareness to ourselves and to rebuild our trust. This is why we ask ourselves if we are WILLING. Perhaps you aren’t reaching a goal because you aren’t willing to take the necessary steps to do that? Dude, that is OK. It just shows that those particular action steps aren’t in alignment with how you want to feel. Readjust and reassess. You’ve got this.
Remember, this shouldn’t feel like a chore. It may feel a bit weird in the beginning because you haven’t done goal setting in this way but just try, even if it is one goal. We are always changing and evolving so don’t be surprised if your goals and actions change and evolve. THAT’S OK! There is no right or wrong. And also, don’t forget how far you’ve already come. Celebrate that!